Last week I had to show up at a courthouse to see if the City of New York needed me for a jury. Luckily, after two days, they let me go, case-free. I say “luckily” not because I don’t believe in doing my civic duty. I do–I’ve served on a jury once before and enjoyed it, though it was a little scary sending some gang-guys up the river for ten years (I don’t like forcing anyone to do anything, but we did find that they had committed a crime).

No, the problem I have with jury duty in today’s world has nothing to do with the “serving on a jury” part and everything to do with how the the whole thing works.

1) No pay. In some circumstances there is compensation for jurors. In LA, it was something like $5 a day. For only some (but not all) jurors here in the Big Apple, you get $40 a day. That’s still a joke. Most employers I’ve worked for do not pay for hours you don’t work. So, the idea that it’s “our duty” to serve is ridiculous. It’s our duty to provide for ourselves and our families while having enough money to play our role in society as consumers to keep the economy going. I can’t do that on $40 a day. Not while living in a major American city, anyway.

2) I’ve been sued. I lost because I couldn’t afford a lawyer who would force the collection agency suing me to prove I owed them money. Our civil legal system is a system that believes in the phrase “guilty until proven innocent” which is completely the opposite of what I believe to be fair and just. Showing up for jury duty is supporting a system that victimizes the poor and uneducated. But I do it because they’ll fine you over a grand if you don’t go. Funny, I don’t remember being threatened with a fine if I didn’t vote in the last election.

3) Our government, at large, has shown that it, in itself, is a joke, unable to protect us from terrorists, hurricanes, or even useless, unannounced photo-ops that disrupt a huge chunk of NYC. 8 million more voters wanted Obama in office, only months after getting into office, we see him stick with many of the same policies as the Bush administration. This is on top of that fact that the city wants me to see the inside of a court room as a juror long before George W. Bush will see the inside of one as a defendant in his own war crimes trial makes me wonder just what my “civic duty” will be done for.

4) The jury orientation video they show us here in NYC compares the modern court system to the court system used to try witches.

I shit you not.

They hired actors and reenacted a witch trial where they throw a woman into a lake and watch her drown, clearly informing us that we should feel lucky that we no longer do this. Yeah, tell that to the dude who got waterboarded 80+ times, man. Give me a break.

I’m so glad we have progressed as a society!

What a stupid thing to be thankful for. Why not thank the world for existing for another day? Or thank the universe for not imploding? Or thank clocks for not suddenly starting to run backwards?

So, here’s how we fix the jury duty system in the US:

1) Pay jurors what they make at their regular job or pass a law forcing employers to pay employees while on jury duty. It’s simply not fair that the individual must suffer while the company does not.

2) Only call citizens with employment. Come on, man–I’m trying to get a small business going and I lose two days in a row because I have to do my civic duty? What about my civic duty to become a productive citizen? No, call the folks with jobs and make sure point 1 is done. We shouldn’t be punished for being out of work even if it’s by choice. Think of it like taxing the rich more than the poor.

3) Stop with the patronizing videos. I don’t need Diane Sawyer telling me how “most people find jury duty enjoyable” or a lecture on civics and history from Ed Bradley who died three years ago.

4) Understand that government is government on all levels unless attempts are made to differentiate between federal, state and local–which you can’t really do easily. So, when government anywhere looks incompetent, sadly it reflects on all of it. It may not be fair, but neither is our legal system. It’s the people in the system who must change things so that faith in this system can be restored. Personally, I don’t see the difference between the most powerful, suit-wearing white men and the minority/disabled/females I always see working in courthouses.

Someone once said that all politics is local–well, then isn’t that a good reason to make sure government on the lowest levels works the best? Why is it that I already think the NYC government is kinda crappy? I’ll tell you–because I haven’t been a NYC resident for a year and I’ve already gotten called for jury duty. When I go, it takes them two days to not stick me on a case unlike Los Angeles, who only took one day to not stick me on a case.

To top it all off, if I had been placed on a case, I’d have been placed in a civil case–like the one I was in, as a defendant, against a collection agency that was, in fact, suing me illegally. Yeah, turns out that despite the fact that I had no recent (within the preceding 6 years) credit card debt the judge in the case didn’t bother to ask to see any proof that what the credit card agency was accusing me of was true. Yeah, that’s our “justice” system for ya.

So, anyone in New York City who was looking for a jury for their civil case last week, be glad I didn’t end up on your jury–unless you’re the individual going against a company or two–then I’m your man, assuming you’re just looking to win and not hoping for a fair trial.

And please don’t tell me to suck it up, man. I’m so done with that kind of thing. If we spend every challenge “sucking it up” things will never change.